Someone recently asked me if I was able to articulate the similarities within my client base. The two main similarities that I could conceive were: (A) they are mostly all high achievers, and (B) they feel “stuck” in some way in their life. In regards to the latter, it is typically some variation of occupational stress or burnout, relationship stress, the overwhelm of juggling everything with seemingly no time for being a human, or considering (consciously or subconsciously) job or relationship transitions (such as leaving or changing dynamics within either domain).
How Do High Achievers Even Get “Stuck” in The First Place?
There is a common misconception that high achievers don’t face any challenges in their lives, never struggle with Imposter Syndrome, and “have it all” by virtue of their mere accomplishments. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The reality is, all of my high achievers struggle with doubt or insecurity at some point or another, and almost all of them are going to indicate they have felt “stuck” at some point in our work together. With most of my clients, the feeling of “stuckness” or feeling “trapped” in particular weighs on them pretty heavily.
4 Common Ways High Achievers Experience Feeling “Stuck”
There are numerous ways that high achievers come to me to work out feeling stuck, whether in work or in their relationships. However, the three most common patterns I see are:
They already know what perceived barriers stand in their way from having a goal or fulfillment in a life domain, but they don’t know the “rules” to overcoming this barrier. They may be struggling to figure out which key action items to take on their path.
They know the “rules” or “what they need to do next,” but are afraid to take the next step.
They are struggling with the idea that they will be causing disruption to their lives if they put their plans into action.
They are struggling with concerns on whether or not they are “allowed” to make these changes or if they are “right” to want them in the first place.
In the case of #1, the high achiever will typically benefit from brainstorming and coming from a place of curiosity to see the situation from different perspectives and problem solving approaches. Continued efforts to seek resolution, reframing “failure” as “a step toward what will work,” and keeping an open mind are essential in these instances. These cases typically cycle out of “stuckness” rather quickly.
In the case of #2 through #4, my high achievers are essentially saying that they are stuck because of fear. Fear is a bigger beast to tackle, particularly if you’re not adept at fighting this monster. Fear can crush dreams, diminish hope, and cause unnecessary retreat. Left untamed, fear can cause destruction to anyone, including high achievers.
How Feeling “Stuck” is Maintained
For some people, taking steps to address feeling stuck or trapped is thwarted due to concerns about “what will happen.” Sometimes these perceptions are slightly exaggerated to the actual outcome. Meaning, setting mild or moderate boundaries with a person or an institution doesn’t often result in the huge fallout they are imagining. (Unless said person or institution is emotionally or otherwise overtly abusive and manipulative; for which I would recommend working with a professional when you choose to extract yourself from those situations, due to safety concerns with the other person’s reactions).
For others, taking steps to address feeling stuck or trapped will, indeed, result in a destabilization of many parts of their lives. Because most people automatically assume this destabilization will happen in their situation if they set boundaries or prioritize themselves, and that this hypothesized destabilization will obliterate any chance for happiness in their life (ironically, as this is the intention of the very action itself), many people avoid taking the action they need to altogether.
And for even others still, they do not know what their options are, and feel incapacitated by this lack of available effective methods, after they have exhausted multiple attempts to address the situation using different methods and now have concern that things will never change.
Solutions?
High achiever or not, the solution involves objectively assessing the situation, taking inventory of your possible options, and taking courageous action toward the goal you want. Tie your goal to your purpose in life, what you believe to be a life well-lived (and its related principles for living), and you have a foundation that science says is likely to keep your covitality and well-being intact for the foreseeable future.
And if you need more help, seek out the support of a coach (if you’re not in distress) or therapist (if your distress is present and bothering you) to work through these situations.
You’ve got this!
-Dr. H